For many years I was trying to get back to drawing. While I was with it I was pretty good. Sometimes you just know you are good at something, and even though it fills your soul and heart with content somehow you just go astray and off the beaten track, and find yourself miles away from the secret path. It takes all the wisdom and the will of the universe to get you back. All that packed in just one sentence.
I have spent a few years without drawing a single line. Tried it several times but the blank paper was always stronger. It wasn't a paper any more, it was a white steel barrier. Deep down I knew drawing was a part of me, and it will resurface sooner or later. The other day I was going thru some long forgotten sketches and found few drawings that could be scanned and uploaded to one or two social networks I use. I thought it would be fun to surprise my friends with my analogue art. It was done in pencil and I decided it was time to ink it. Then I scanned another one. And then I finally decided to actually draw something new from the scratch, and I remembered that funny self-portrait I have done with my camera ages ago. Somewhere else I have found a picture of a bird and I realized I could combine both subjects into one painting, like superimpose the bird over my face as if she was talking to me. The beginning was shaky and reluctant, but I kept going on, and when it came to making more defined lines that would give the final shape, I was very unwilling and lacking faith. Then suddenly, this sentence just appeared in my mind and I started repeating it over and over again. Here it is:
When you are playing, you are unable to make a mistake.
That was it! I immediately understood the glorious idea conveyed in that message. If I was exploring like a curious kid, then I could do no harm. I remembered when I was a kid, I used to draw continuously, never bothered with the consequences. If I was enjoying the play, the dance, there was no danger of drawing a “wrong” line. If it was coming from the soul then I couldn't do wrong. If I wasn't thinking of the impact the picture may create, or the awards it may win, or the comments I would get, then the only important thing would be to enjoy the play, like a kid who is only concentrated on his “work”. I can draw! I am drawing! I do it because of love. I do it because of love.
And then a big splash.
Suddenly I was submerged. It was late night and the fireflies were flying above the waves. As I moved underwater, my movements produced tiny and irregular light bursts. My every single movement produced a glow and the fish were leaving glowing trails as well. I saw the silhouette of a bird above the water and I resurfaced. She flew very close to my face.